Why?

My first task, it seems, is to think about why I'm doing this and what I hope to gain from it.  I find it really hard to think about and examine the reasons for me deciding on doing something, mostly the conclusion I reach is that 'I just want to' and mostly thats good enough to convince myself it's a sensible idea, but I really am trying hard to think about this a bit more deeply.  

I want to study because I want to have something that is me, something that I can do for me and for my family and I want to be independent.  I adore my babies and my Mr. but I don't want to be reliant on any of them any more and I don't really want them to be so completely dependent on me forever, washing their pants really isn't that enjoyable and I would like someone else to do it every now and then.

So, why textiles?, which I think is really supposed to be the main point here.I guess it's just something that I've always been drawn to.  I've always made things.  When I was 12 I started making dollies and selling them at craft fairs that my mum was attending.  Later on I made highly decorative flowers out of wire and chiffons and lots of beading and sparkly things.  I've dabbled with sewing, mainly for my children, and done quite a bit of knitting, again, mainly for my children and other peoples.  In particular I've completed several very large baby shawls. I've played around with other stuff, tried embroidery, machine and hand, and driven myself mad trying to crochet, it still defeats me!

I went to art college when I was younger but at that time it was fine art that was grabbing my attention, since then I've meandered into illustration and strolled through the world of digital art but then motherhood crept up on me and I pushed everything aside for quite a long time.  I tried, not long ago, to get back into the world of illustration but I realised quite quickly that I just don't have the heart for it anymore.  I do love it but I always come to the end of a piece feeling that there's just something lacking for me and I get no sense of satisfaction and I think that it is for that reason, more than any other, that I am drawn to textiles.  I want to create something that gives me satisfaction, something that can be held and felt and turned around and experienced, rather than something that is scanned in at 300dpi and can be copied and pasted by many strangers in a few minutes.

So, that ended up a lot deeper than I expected and to think , I nearly went with a quote from my three year old son instead, when asked by his father what I liked and what he wanted to get me for my birthday he thought for a second and replied, "Well Mummy just likes making pretty things".

From the mouths of babes.....